Health Activists Raise Their Fur to Protest BPA Laden Pet Toys
Decrying what he termed a “shocking lack of feline and canine respect,” Wilmer Stinky Formica called on Congress to “safeguard America’s four-legged furry friends from their chew toys by requiring manufacturers to make all products BPA free.” Bisphenol A, a chemical used in making plastics is associated with a variety of negative health impacts. Formica, […]
Pepsico Shocker! Taylor’s Tonics & Prometheus Springs Unite in Hostile Takeover of Pepsico; CEO Indra Nooyi to Remain
NBN EXCLUSIVE: In a shocking announcement Taylor Peck of Taylor’s Tonics and Lex Mincolla of Prometheus Springs announced their hostile takeover of Pepsico, the 2nd largest food and beverage company in the world. The two men, dubbed “the brashest bon vivant bad boys in beverages” by Maxim magazine were uncharacteristically subdued at a press conference […]
SFW Flanhunt Offers GPS Based Hookup Site For Hungry and Frisky Guys
FLANHUNT is the first hookup site for men who like men who like to cook great food. The developer of the application, who prefers to remain anonymous but will be tweeting under the alias Erica Von Marzipan, said through a spokesperson that “I’m happy to leave the self-celebratory proclamations to the loud-mouth Grindr guy. […]
Gay Controversy Dooms Boy Scouts Green Building Effort; Radiant Floor Heating Merit Badge Suspended
Continued controversy over the Boy Scouts of America’s recent announcement that it would allow openly gay scouts but prohibit openly gay scout leaders and volunteers prompted the US Department of Energy to rescind its partnership with BSA. Last fall the Department of Energy and the Scouts begun plans to for a series of new […]
Hollywood Squares Major Influencer, Says Pew Research Study, Last of the Boomers, What Went Wrong?
The Pew Research Center recently announced the major conclusion’s from its just published cross-cultural, demographic hagio-analytic report: Last of the Boomers, What Went Wrong? Among the studies most surprising findings is the conclusion that four leading macro-cultural events can be identified as primary factors in “creating the generation that has wrought economic and spiritual malaise like […]
Streisand’s I’ll Be Home For Ramadan CD to be Promoted by Near East Foods
Quaker Foods Near East brand announced today that the company would be offering free downloads of Barbra Streisand’s soon to be released I’ll Be Home For Ramadan CD. The announcement came just one week after the noted Semitic Songstress unveiled her new effort. According to the press release Streisand hopes to facilitate a new dialogue […]
Green Energy News-NYC and Garbanzo Bean Growers Announce Plan to Fuel Taxis on New FalafelFuel
In a press conference at New York’s City Hall, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Taxi & Limousine Commissioner Matthew W. Daus and Norharvest Bean Growers Association Norbert Johannson unveiled a plan to fuel all taxicabs and car service vehicles in the city on a new bio-fuel made from garbanzo beans.“For too long chick peas have been unfairly […]
John Wayne Airport to Be Renamed After Soap Pioneer Dr. Bronner
In a surprise move, the Orange County Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to rename the John Wayne Airport after spiritualist and soap maker, Dr. Emmanuel Bronner. Citing the soap maker’s longstanding commitment to the tingle factor, as well as his uncannily irresistible and indecipherable philosophical musings, the Board unveiled a statue of the 3rd generation […]
Annie’s IPO Followed by Bernie’s Wedding
Wedding bells were ringing in an undisclosed Northern California location as famed product icons Bernie the Rabbit and Hello Kitty wed. Bernie, the famous spokes model for Annie’s Homegrown, and Kitty famed product icon for San Rio are honeymooning at an undisclosed location. Famed muppet Miss Piggy was reportedly making drunken threats before the couple […]
Green Pampers
NBN’s first job in the natural foods business was working at a small store in Westport, Connecticut called The Fountain of Youth. The name wasn’t just metaphorical. There was actually a small fountain near the front of the store. I believed it slightly resembled a miniature version of the Elfin village from Lord of the […]